I gave my “yes” to God again
I’ve been home from my internship with AIM Guatemala for a year come April. Around this time last year is when I gave my yes to the Lord and moving to Guate indefinitely. A couple weeks later, I then gave my yes to the team and working alongside them. What do I mean by giving my “yes”? Simply committing to something, I’m giving my whole self to what God is doing. I’m making a promise.
A lot has happened since then. I mean not much has really changed, except for some of how I see the world. I realized that missions is all I’ve really ever known. I’ve mostly been an all or nothing person, that’s changed a bit. I’ve had to reconsider if this is something I truly want and sense the Lord inviting me into. Especially because I no longer believe that you can really miss out on the will of God. I used to have anxiety about that, I no longer do. I went from playing softball and that consuming me. To having a relationship with God and thinking that I needed to do missions to prove the tenacity and authenticity of my relationship with God. I chose to do away with college and a typical way of living and since I committed to go on the World Race in 2016, missions is all I’ve really known. The Lord truly has faithfully guided me towards it, but with this last year of fundraising it’s been deferred hope after deferred hope over and over again. I was hoping to be in Guate four months ago, but here I am sitting at The Mill in Lincoln, Nebraska on March 16th. I grew tired of moving towards this thing that I gave my yes to a year ago. I started to consider withdrawing my yes. You meet resistance and you start to wonder if something is really worth it or “meant for you.” I’m thankful I continued to push through that resistance. For awhile I was just going through the motions with fundraising. Cognitively, I knew I’d be going to Guatemala, but emotionally I felt quite indifferent about it all. The feeling of indifference scared me.
I used to think I needed to do missions to live a good and purposeful life. Now, I know that isn’t entirely true. I could live a really good, purposeful, Kingdom life doing exactly what I’m doing now. Working at Starbucks, rock climbing, and hanging out with friends. Likely, it would be fulfilling too, as it is now. I’ve always had the dream to live out of van, drive around, and climb some rocks. Quite simply I could find a job where I could work remotely, and do this thing that I’ve always longed to do. That felt a lot more enticing than moving to Guatemala in the moment to be honest. Then the Lord gave me a vision.
First, He reminded me of the weekend of my internship where we had gone up the mountain for a retreat with our Hineni participants. Hineni is our missions immersion program where we equip and disciple latinos to send them to the nations to do long-term missions. We had a weekend where we got to commune, worship, and cast vision together. In the room where we spent most of our communal time together (pictured below), there was a beautiful view of the three volcanoes, the valley between them, and my home (Antigua) right in the middle of it. Just beyond the volcanoes is the ocean. God gave me a vision of Latinos one after another being sent out from Guatemala, through that valley, over the ocean and into the nations. A movement of God that is currently stirring. In that moment, the Lord showed me a bigger picture of what He’s doing. He extended an invitation for me to join, I said yes. I said yes to the big picture, and now I’m realizing that I need to say yes to the small moments that make up the big picture too. No matter how irrelevant and boring they seem. For patience is solidarity with God’s slowness.
So, I was sitting in my room emotionally and mentally exhausted and I said; “Lord come.” He came. He showed me that same vision again, but renewed. He reminded me of the first time I said yes to this. He showed me restored Latino families running towards the nations to share the good news that God has come near. He stirred the waters of my heart. He delivered me from my illusions of God and unto Himself. Glory to glory. I cried (which means a lot cause that doesn’t happen too entirely often.) Jesus is extending His hand to me and saying “There is more I want to show you. Will you take my hand?” “Of course”, I said “how could I not?”
Looking back, I was afraid of missing out on a good life. I was starting to think God wouldn’t hold up His end of the deal. Surely, I could come thru with something good, but He’s come up with something better. I’m trusting that He’s a man of His word. I long to be of my word too. So, I give my yes again. I will waste my life on God. I say yes to the clearing. I say yes to the wilderness. I say yes to a life that does not look logical because it was not meant to be so. I say yes to Heaven. I say yes to Guatemala. I say yes to a life with Jesus. Day in and day out I will continue to give my yes to Him. Not because I have to, but because it is in the depths of my being to do so. I’m choosing into the good life God has promised me, which is God Himself. I will always stay faithful to the wrestle. There is something at work here in the Kingdom of God that I have yet to come up with language for, but man oh man is it something to behold.
Come and eat! Come, buy your drinks, buy wine and milk. Buy without money-everything’s free! Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy? Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words. I’m making a lasting covenant commitment with you, the same that I made with David: sure, solid, enduring love. I set him up as a witness to the nations, made him a prince and leader of the nations, and now I’m doing it to you: You’ll summon nations you’ve never heard of, and nations who’ve never heard of you will come running to you because of me, your God, because The Holy One of Israel has honored you.”
Isaiah 55:1-5
On Earth as it is in Heaven, my friends
Lyss
*fundraising update* – I’m 45% funded! Below is a picture of what I’m still looking for in monthly support. I can’t go to Guatemala until I’m 100% funded! I’d love if you’d consider a monthly partnership with me. And! Even if you’re already a monthly supporter, do you know anyone who’d be interested in hearing more about Guatemala and what I’ll be doing there? If so, I’d love for you to connect me to them. Let me know if you have any questions.
